It’s a slow, drawn out, and painful process; losing a friend. When your person finds someone that is more important to them. It almost makes me regret getting so close. If I had known, I would have built myself a wall.
Maybe I’m too sensitive. Maybe I’m too invested. But, God, that knowledge doesn’t make it hurt any less. I feel the physical ache at the distance she is creating. The unanswered messages. The cancelled plans. What’s worse is the cancellation of unmade plans. The holding out for something better to come up. For something with him. Plunge.
“Oh, I don’t know, I’ll see what we might be doing that day.” Twist.
It’s jealousy, I suppose. My green little friend. But I can’t help but feel it when she lets him impose on our plans.
And I feel so stupid for clinging so desperately to the future we planned together during high school. I get unreasonably sad when I think about our futures now because I know they’re leading in different directions. Which absolutely breaks my heart. I don’t blame you. I don’t blame him. I blame growing up. Because, in the grand scheme of things, where does “high school best friend” fit in?
I don’t want to be the only one trying in a friendship you feel should have ended with high school. I have more pride than that. Plus, lately, it doesn’t seem like you’d notice if I left.